The grass is colder on the dark side
by ToryW
Summary: When Count Dooku decides that the Seperatists should 'go green', he takes it to extremes that neither Ventress nor Greivous would like to put up with. just a humorous one-shot, mid-clone-wars-era


**Simply for humor. Little dashes of Obi/Asajj here and there :3**

**I don't own Dooku, Greivous, Ventress, or Obi-wan. If I did... I'll let you fill in that blank. ;)  
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><p>"Dooku!" Asajj Ventress's shriek echoed through the halls of the main separatist battle ship. "Count Dooku!"<p>

"Ventress, keep your voice down. It's impolite to shout in the hallways." Dooku replied calmly. His voice came from his rooms, and Asajj shoved open his door and entered.

"Why the Hoth is it cold and dark aboard our ship? Are we out of power _again?"_

"No, as a matter of fact, we have plenty." The room was lit by a single candle.

"Then what gives?" the assassin snapped. "It's gotta be like forty degrees in here-"

"Actually, it's forty-two-point-six. Get your facts straight." Dooku sat down on his sofa as respectably as a dignitary at a tea party.

"Well what gives? I don't know how many layers you're wearing under your robes, but I'm freezing!"

"It's quite simple, really."

"You want me to dress like I'm going to Hoth?"

"Well, I must admit I don't like how Kenobi looks at you."

"I do." She smirked, then noticed his face. "Ok, but why dark and cold? No wait, don't tell me- It was Grievous's idea?"

"No. You see, the separatist cause wants to seem inviting and kind to new planets."

"And how is being cold and dark inviting?"

"It's called 'going green'."

Ventress stared. "You have _got _to be kidding me."

"No, I'm not. From now on, we're doing our part to save energy."

The poor assassin restrained herself from a facepalm. "Dooku. We can't stumble around in the dark and freeze to death. I don't think that's what 'going green' means. Strike that, I'm positive that's not what 'going green' means."

"Don't protest! We are saving the galaxy and being inviting to powerful planets."

"Hmm." She'd noticed a thermostat on the wall. "I suppose I'll just have to get used to it…" she inched closer, but Dooku darted in front of her.

"Don't even try. It stays at forty-two-point-six."

"Can't we even have one measly light bulb in the hallway?" she whined.

"No. We are saving money and energy. Now leave."

Using all her best profanities under her breath, Asajj stormed from the room. It was even colder and darker in the hallway, and she couldn't help shivering.

"Ventress." A voice growled from right next to her. She whipped out her lightsaber, and to her horror, it _didn't turn on. _"It's me." The voice repeated, and she breathed a sigh of relief.

"Grievous, what's the big idea, lurking in the dark like that?" Asajj snapped, annoyed he'd managed to scare her. "I don't know if you can see in here, but I can't."

"I can't either. I was going to ask you what happened to the power."

"Nothing. Dooku's just decided we're 'going green'. It's freezing in here."

"I didn't notice."

She snorted. "Figures. Let's see if there's light anywhere else on this miserable can."

"I can't. I think I'm stuck." Ventress stared for a moment, not that it did any good in the total darkness.

"What do you mean stuck?"

"My limbs aren't moving. Grrah!" The cyborg added a frustrated growl.

"Limbs aren't… why not?" She demanded.

"I don't know. I usually pick up power from the energy in the ship, but I don't think this new 'more efficient' power system Dooku installed in me is working."

Ventress rummaged through the small pouch clipped to her belt. Credits, non-working sabers, small datapad, Seperatist ID card, that gorgeous picture of Kenobi she'd snagged from a newspaper, explosives…more explosives… Ah. Flashlight. She clicked it on, then inspected the new power system attached to her ally's back.

"It seems to be working now," he declared suddenly. His arm was moving slowly towards his lightsaber.

"Grievous… I think…" She bit back laughter, but he heard her.

"What's so funny?" snarled the cyborg.

"I think you're running on solar!" She couldn't help it. She cracked up, her breath making puffs of moisture in the cold hallways.

"It's not funny! It'll be just as funny as you huddling under the covers and shivering."

She scowled. It _was _freezing in here. "Just get your lightsaber!" The flashlight was slowly restoring power to Grievous's limbs, and he managed to reach two of his sabers. He ignited them, expecting a blue and green glow, but _nothing happened._

"Nothing happened!" He exclaimed, frustrated.

"Mine are dead too. We'll have t-to just explain to that idiot D-Dooku that he can't make you solar _and_ keep the lights off."

"Where is he?" Just as he spoke, the flashlight when flying from Ventress's hand; Dooku caught it.

"Here." The sith stood in the hall, looking sinister with only the light of the flashlight. And then that died too.

"D-Dooku! T-Turn it on!" She was shivering violently by now.

"Now Ventress, I took the batteries from the lightsabers for a reason. There's no reason to use batteries in something like a flashlight. And remember- no lights, and keep it at forty-two-point-six." With that, he walked away. They couldn't see him, nor could they see each other's dumbstruck faces, but they knew he'd gone, and they knew that they were doomed.

"We're doomed," snarled Grievous. "If the Jedi arrive, I'll be seized up, you'll be freezing, and we'll both be lightsaber-less."

"Are you k-k-kidding? If the J-Jedi c-come, I'm snuggling up with K-Kenobi."

"You aren't serious, are you?" the cyborg yelped, but she'd already left in search of blankets.

**My deepest apologies for writing this. It's quite odd. Perhaps you think otherwise? Perhaps you think I've lost all sanity? click the little link and tell me so :)**


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